Do you ever feel like you’re in the uncharted territory?
You look around you and no one seems to be going through what you’re experiencing? Lack of resources and places to get help make you focus on finding a way and figure it out on the fly. By yourself.
I felt this loneliness for a long time, for many years it was just a feeling that I could not understand or explain, but I just knew I felt alone. I went through stages of blaming myself, then others, then my parents, then God, and all I needed was just a different lens to see through. I came across some thoughts that helped me in the past and wanted to share them in hopes it could help someone out there, to not feel alone and to reach out to the community that’s already around.
Our little family traveled a lot in 2017, it was a real goal we set out at the beginning of the year; we visited 4 countries, went on 19 flights total (with the baby), and 12 cities. When we were in Auckland, New Zealand, just a month ago, I wanted to visit the Sky walk. I love heights and all the brochures made it look super fun! Since we had a 1 year old with us and no baby sitter, I went alone and my husband was with the baby. Throughout this process I just saw so many parallels to this subject of walking the lonely life that I decided to combine the two and share some photos from the skywalk with you all!
First of all, I love heights and I was very excited for this! I didn’t know what to expect and it was really strange doing something by myself without my family for the first time this trip! In the end it was really good for my soul, to have some alone time to do something rather than have to always keep an eye on a busy one year old running away! Here is what I learned from the Skywalk experience! (continue reading below after the pictures)
For as long as I can remember I was always the first one, at the frontier line. In school it was because I was the shortest and they made me go first because I was at the end of the line and that’s where the teacher liked to start (we lined up by height, and maybe that’s where my obsession with high heels came from? So I’m never the shortest one ever again..) We got our super stylist orange suits, the gear, and the non slip shoes, and went up the elevator to the the landing starting up with being attached to the first rope line before we got on the walk. There were 5 of us and a guide who took all the pictures and made us get out of our comfort zone. Before I knew it we were lined up by height, yet again, I was at the beginning of the line, the first one to take the steps on the walk that was was barely a yard in width.
When we first walked out, my first thought was, oh great, story of my life. Then I had to change my middle school traumatized attitude and switch it around.
It’s a privilege to be the first one to step out on the course, no matter how narrow the walk is, no matter how scary, there will always be someone behind you who needs you to have COURAGE and strength.
I had to just smile, and try not to let my heart jump out of me and slow down my breathing; I love heights, but I have never done anything like this before. All I could think of is how do I know that these ropes would hold us up? It felt like I’m always at the beginning of the line, pioneering, and it used to irritate me, make me feel so alone and make me feel like I didn’t have friends, but all I needed was to see the truth, because ton the days that I felt alone, the truth was often twisted up in my own eyes.
First of all, I am never alone because I know my God walks beside me and He is my Guide through life, just like we had a guide on the walk who stepped out first, even before I did, and showed us the tricks he wanted each of us to do, he pushed us and encouraged us with words, he tightened our ropes and the supportive gear when we needed it and after a short time I know I felt safe and like I could trust in our guide to finish the walk and not fall off the building.
I also realize that my kind of thinking, that feeling of “I’m doing everything alone” is false and selfish. Selfishness has a way of taking over all of your being and focusing inward instead of outward with love and kindness to others. Selfishness thrives on being alone, I’m not a scientist by any means, but I think that it always ends up either in pride or in loneliness, and honestly I’m not sure which one is worse.
If you can identify with any of my feelings, I’d like to encourage you to look around, look behind you, beside you, maybe just like it was for me, you’re not actually alone because you cannot see the support and the people around you because of one reason or another. And even after readjusting your vision, you still don’t see anyone, and none of your people are in close proximity physically, perhaps its just the time of this season. In this season the only one you need is Jesus, your guide, to make sure you don’t fall off the narrow path and at the end, you will be reunited with the rest of your crew.
I hope you enjoyed the photos from my Skywalk experience and found some encouragement! If you ever get the chance to visit Auckland, New Zealand, I would absolutely recommend the experience of doing the Skywalk!